The Cleaning Lens

Title reference: "The Spirit Lens" by Carol Berg

***

O, man, talk to me about having a bad day! The new house is a disaster, the curtains are torn to shreds, and there is Hot-and-o-too-cleaning-obsessed sleeping in my bed, as though it is hers! Geez, what a way to end the week! I've never considered myself a really "good" person, but that... I don't deserve it! I feel like I'm stuck in some cheap pop song... Like that old 90's hymn "Loser" by Beck. Quite a genius, that dude! If there was ever a song to describe my current situation, it would definitely be this one!

Yo. cut it.

I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?

I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?

So, how did I get here? And why is everything upside down?! Well, followers and random stumblers, to answer that question, we'd have to turn the clock back a few hours and follow the day as it unfolds.

***

7:13 am

The alarm-clock went nuts, with that awful Irene Cara song from "Flashdance"... um... "What a Feeling" blowing the stereo so hard, that it threatened to bring down the house. Together with Tate, me and Lulu in it! Rolling off of bed (and almost crashing to the floor!) I managed to silence that little tormentor and got up, feeling almost as depressed and unhappy, as an old bachelor, who's worked in a cleaning company for the last 30 years of his life! And that's a long time!

8:25 am

Finally out of the house and off to run errands! I have a busy schedule today, though no one seems to believe me! What, do I look like a person who wastes all his time doing... nothing?! So not true! So, so even! Anyway, before I left the house, I ran into Lulu, who seemed very... distressed. 

Me: What's wrong?

Lulu: I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Me: (dead silent)

9:47 am

Meeting with my old landlord. Now that we've started working on the new house, it's time to put an end to any relationship between us. I've kept written records about any property damage, and have an inventory statement; I've stuck to our rental agreement and been a model tenant. (OK, not really, but keep that between us!) So, now that I'm officially moving out, I wanted to take my deposit back! It turned out I've neglected to read one part of the rental agreement - cleaning the property for future tenants. However that step is not very clear...

9:55 am

Called She-who-knows-all-about-cleaning-and-boring--you-to-death (Geez, that turned out long!) and asked her about the tenancy agreement. As it turns out, all tenancy agreements have an end clause saying that at the conclusion of the occupancy, the tenant must pay to professionally clean the premises so the property can be rented to others. It is essential to complete this last step before vacating the premises. Failure to do so is a breach of contract and the landlord has the right to withhold the tenant's deposit if the latter fails to clean the property.

Still, as She-whose-name-I-don't-remember noted, there is a fine line between what you're responsible for and what you're not. (If you ask me, I shouldn't be responsible at all, as Tate's around all the time, but... Tell that to the landlord!) So, here are a few points she made, that will allow you to understand your rights when cleaning your property. 

1) Your landlord cannot keep your security deposit for "normal wear and tear". Examples of "normal wear and tear" are a scuffed finish on wooden floors, worn carpet and chipped or faded paint.

2) The landlord is allowed to withhold the cost of repairing damages beyond "normal wear and tear". Some examples of common damages include broken windows, pen marks or holes on the walls or leaving rubbish or other items that need to be disposed off. If you made the flat or apartment so dirty that it is unsanitary or dangerous, the landlord may subtract the cost of making it livable again from your deposit.

Naturally, me being me, I told all that to the landlord. Bad idea. Guess if I got my deposit back, or not...

10:49 am

Called one of the finest window cleaning London based company and made an appointment, so that we could have the windows to the new house cleaned. Tate trying to do the job is SO not working!

A few hours of nothing significant enough to mention...

16:35 pm

I got back to the house, to find a few things in a row: 1) the whole house turned upside down; 2) Boring-chic-no-name sleeping in my bed; 3) the curtains in the living room torn to shreds and lying on the floor... And a funny looking, ill-tempered, few months old husky looking at me, as if I'd stepped on its turf and am getting on its nerves. For a few moments there I just stared at it in shock. Then I had a scary thought...

Could that be...

"Pete... meet Sofocle!" Tate said cheerfully from behind me! "He's a bit... wild..."

"You don't say", was all I managed to squeeze out between clenched teeth, before taking another look at the puppy, and doing the only thing I could think if in those circumstances.

I punched Tate in the nose.