Best Served Clean

Title reference: "Best Served Cold" by Joe Abercrombie

***

Tate's been hanging around the house, eating pizza and watching TV most of the day, with Lulu curled up beside him. She chews a gum, he tries catching French fries with his mouth. Neither of them are evolved enough to do those things with their mouths closed. Me? I get a front row seat to all those activities, while trying to study for a test! Yes, talk to me about life being fair! Well, here's news for you: it isn't! Anyway, do you know what's the advantage of having cartoonish friends? I'll tell you! Sometimes, or most times, depending on where you're standing, you actually get to hear conversations that sound as though taken out of a joke!

Lulu: Where is the English Channel?

Tate: I’m not sure. We don’t get it on our TV.

And all of that while they were going through the foreign (French, German, Italian etc.) channels on the cable! Which might have been OK, if we had more channels then we do! Right now... Geez, is there such a thing as "TV-watching for Dummies"? If yes, then somebody please tell me where I can get it from! One perfect Christmas gift coming right up!

Anyway, after Tate's (fruitless) tries to play a seal and catch things with his mouth, the sofa looked as though an atomic-war has raged on it, or a small hurricane has swept it. It was pretty annoying and disconcerting, although neither Tate nor Lulu seemed to notice the mess they've made. They were all cuddly, and giggly, and... well, disgusting is one way to call them. Irritating is another. I can keep on, and on... and on.

So, after I kicked them out of the house (Go me!), I started looking for a way to fix their mess... And came up with nada. Zero. I mean, come on... What do i know about sofa cleaning? It's not like i do it regularly, or anything! I've read that a once over with the vacuum cleaner might keep the... what was that word... hmm... upholstered (smart Marlowe) furniture looking nicer for longer. But how long is long, really? And what's with the whole "Use the appropriate tools and try to get right into all the nooks and crannies." while cleaning the sofa? I mean, come on... That makes me think of the moon, and its craters and staff... But maybe I'm just over-imaginative! Whatever the reason, there's one thing I know for certain: even after your sofa gets beyond dust and into undeniable stains, there are still ways of making it clean again... But you should check the label first, because if you do it wrong, well... Let's just say it might end up costing you a lot of money!

So, no way I'm letting Tate and Lulu clean the sofa, even though it is their mess! Between the 2 of them, I'd rather go and buy a new one right now!

What, you think I'm mistaken? I dare you to tell me otherwise! Dare you!

Good. So we understand each-other.

Now... let's go and find me some good and cheap sofa cleaners. 

And while we're on it... Someone in the mood for a tango? I've been taking lessons! If you don't say, I won't as well!