Friday 26 November 2010

Strange Case of Dr. Marlowe & Mr. Cleaner


Title reference: “Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde” by Robert Louis Stevenson

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Today I woke up to find that the microwave has decide to die on me, in a puff of smoke and the stench of burning… machinery or whatever, and after a call to my buddy Tate, and listening for a quarter of an hour his complaining about the crazy Mary Sue he met at the pub last night (a horror story I will save you!), he gave me the number of a repairman he knows. So I called the guy, who seemed to be really perplexed by the fact that he actually had a client, and he agreed to stop by first thing in the morning. Now, as good as that may sound, it ended up being too good to be true! You wonda’ why, mio amigo? I will tell you why!

First thing first, the bloke who Tate put me in contact with came much faster than I expected, which won him brownie points at first… But it was all downhill from there! The moment Mr… Whatever-his-name-is, walked into the house, he asked me if I had coffee, what it was, and if I would make him a cup. A big one. And strong, if I may. O, and with milk, sugar, cream… “Do you have whiskey? I love an Irish coffee in the morning…” Do I look like Martha-freaking-Stewart?! I understand the guy was in a rush to come fix the micro before work, but… come on!

Anyway, I said I do have whiskey and I will make him an Irish coffee, the good Samaritan I am. In that moment he got really excited and got that… greedy, if you know what I mean, expression on his face. The whole “Mine, my own, my precious” routine… Yeah, creepy! But the next moment he got a handle on himself… And proceeded to let himself into the bathroom. What?! Apparently he left home without doing that either, and was in such a hurry to fix the microwave that forgot to flash the toilet! Now, I’m not a woman, so I’m not that bothered by such things, but… Come on! Is that a contest or something? “I clean after your mess, and you clean after mine!” It might have been funny, if it wasn’t so tragic!

So, apparently from now on I will not rely on Tate for providing me with normal professional help! As the old saying goes “If you want something done, do it yourself!” Or, in this case, if you want a repairman, end of tenancy cleaning or carpet cleaning services, find them yourself!

And I’ve already come up with a few basic things you should look for, before picking a company!

1st one is to make sure that there are no hidden fees or something! When you call a carpet cleaning London company, ask how much it’s going to cost you, if they cancel jobs, postpone them and so on… Or you may end up as empty headed Tate, who hired a company to clean his apartment for £5 a room… Only to pay £150 at the end, as he did not take the time to read through all of the company’s brochure! Man, was he angry! But, at the end, who’s to blame? He can read, right?

2nd thing you should never do is pay in advance or let the company save you credit card information! It may sound like something no one in their right mind would do, but… You’ll be surprised! People are irrational beings! Or, in some cases, straight forwardly dumb!

Last, but not least, you should get an insurance! My landlord had a carpet in his house damaged by the “professionals” he hired to clean it, but there was no insurance, and it was his word against theirs. Who do you think got away clean-handed?

Bottom line is, do not go with the first company you see. Make some research.

And never, never, under any circumstances listen to your dumb, half-asleep friends, when they recommend a repairman to you!

Yes, Tate, I am talking about you!

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