The Last Clean

Title reference: "The Last Page" by Anthony Huso

***

We've had a little disaster on our hands! Last night, Sofocle, our puppy husky, managed to tear down a curtain, spill a whole bottle of wine on the carpet and turn over a chair, although where that little doggy found the strength to do so is still beyond me! Pets, man, they're as unpredictable as humans! Still, as wine spills tend to stain and are some of the hardest to get out... The situation pretty much turned into an emergency! You don't believe? Well, I can tell you right now that the old myth that you can clean red wine stain with white wine, is nothing more than that: a myth. If you try to put it into use, the only thing you would get is a red/white wine stain and getting rid of that one would not only take skills beyond you, but also damage your carpet/furniture/whatever permanently! So, instead of playing "Mr. Cleaner", or which would be worse - letting Tate assume the role! - I did the smart thing and booked an appointment with one of the prime companies for carpet cleaning London has to offer! They'd come later today and fix the problem for us... Yeah, let's hear it for professionals!

Still, even if the carpet cleaning mess is taken care of, there's still the fact that Sofocle is like a natural disaster, waiting to be unleashed upon us and cause as much damages as possible! He breaks things faster than you could say "Hallelujah", chews on everyone's shoes and slippers, howls at night, when you leave him alone... I mean, he's a lovely creature and all, but, man, is he hard to have around sometimes! I've been trying to explain to Tate that huskies are not "in door" animals, but ones that should  be left to freely play around in a yard, but he doesn't seem to get it! Not at all! Actually, he's convinced that Sofocle is the cutest thing in the world and thus can make no wrong in his eyes...

Speaking of Tate...

OK, you probably won't believe me when I tell you this, I could hardly believe it myself, but my o-not-so-smart-buddy pulled a stunt and a shocker on all of us and... Well, on the 2nd of January, when we finally managed to sober up after the New Year's party, Tate did the unthinkable and... Man, I can't believe I'm going to write that! Anyway, here goes nothing!

Tate proposed to Lulu. Yes, you read that right. He did the whole nine yards: falling on one knee, the diamond ring, music, candles... All of it! Now, I strongly suspect that it was his mum who did most of the preparations (she's obsessive like that), but Tate refuses to comment on the matter and even a tickle would not convince him to speak the truth! Which is almost anticlimactic...

But forget about that. Strange or not, it is official people: Tate's getting married! I mean, yeah, they haven't known each-other very long or anything, but come on... Can you picture either of those... charmers, let's call them, finding anyone better than the other? No? Well, so can't I! So I wish them all the happiness in the world...

O, and I'm gonna' be the best-man. Yeah, big surprise here, I know, I know!

And now to the truly shocking part... Something unthinkable happened on New Year's Eve and I'm still not sure how things came to that, and so on, but... Well, you know What-'s-Her-Name-Again, right? Well, it turns out that it's Evelyn (quite lovely, isn't it?) and that, in ways unthinkable to me, she's managed to pull the impossible and, boring or not, get under my skin. I know, I know: when? Why? How? All questions I've been asking myself, dear friends, but the truth is the truth... Even if it's ridiculous!

Did I mention that we kissed? But, I mean, really, really kissed, passionate and all? No? Well, yes, we indeed did, and it was weird, and kind of scary, and... Nice. Yes, it felt nice and somewhat natural. So now I think we're dating...

Though Evie says we've been doing it ever since that first night, even if I didn't realise it!

Women, man. Can't live with them, but also can't live without them! Ah, how poetic Marlowe, how poetic! Anyway, I think that Tate and Lulu are even more exciting about the dating part, then Me and Evelyn are... They want to do double date, all the time! And we're best-man and bride's maid, so...

Yes, that should be some wedding!

Bottom line is, life's moving forward, as a scary pace, and we all have to try and keep up with it. So, that would be the last of me and all my "Stumbling & Rambling"... "All good things" come to an end, right?

So, goodnight, people... and thank you! As one great singer once said...

"You've been a lovely audience."

Strange Case of Dr. Marlowe & Mr. Cleaner

Title reference: “Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde” by Robert Louis Stevenson

***

Today I woke up to find that the microwave has decide to die on me, in a puff of smoke and the stench of burning… machinery or whatever, and after a call to my buddy Tate, and listening for a quarter of an hour his complaining about the crazy Mary Sue he met at the pub last night (a horror story I will save you!), he gave me the number of a repairman he knows. So I called the guy, who seemed to be really perplexed by the fact that he actually had a client, and he agreed to stop by first thing in the morning. Now, as good as that may sound, it ended up being too good to be true! You wonda’ why, mio amigo? I will tell you why!

First thing first, the bloke who Tate put me in contact with came much faster than I expected, which won him brownie points at first… But it was all downhill from there! The moment Mr… Whatever-his-name-is, walked into the house, he asked me if I had coffee, what it was, and if I would make him a cup. A big one. And strong, if I may. O, and with milk, sugar, cream… “Do you have whiskey? I love an Irish coffee in the morning…” Do I look like Martha-freaking-Stewart?! I understand the guy was in a rush to come fix the micro before work, but… come on!

Anyway, I said I do have whiskey and I will make him an Irish coffee, the good Samaritan I am. In that moment he got really excited and got that… greedy, if you know what I mean, expression on his face. The whole “Mine, my own, my precious” routine… Yeah, creepy! But the next moment he got a handle on himself… And proceeded to let himself into the bathroom. What?! Apparently he left home without doing that either, and was in such a hurry to fix the microwave that forgot to flash the toilet! Now, I’m not a woman, so I’m not that bothered by such things, but… Come on! Is that a contest or something? “I clean after your mess, and you clean after mine!” It might have been funny, if it wasn’t so tragic!

So, apparently from now on I will not rely on Tate for providing me with normal professional help! As the old saying goes “If you want something done, do it yourself!” Or, in this case, if you want a repairman, end of tenancy cleaning or carpet cleaning services, find them yourself!

And I’ve already come up with a few basic things you should look for, before picking a company!

1st one is to make sure that there are no hidden fees or something! When you call a carpet cleaning London company, ask how much it’s going to cost you, if they cancel jobs, postpone them and so on… Or you may end up as empty headed Tate, who hired a company to clean his apartment for £5 a room… Only to pay £150 at the end, as he did not take the time to read through all of the company’s brochure! Man, was he angry! But, at the end, who’s to blame? He can read, right?

2nd thing you should never do is pay in advance or let the company save you credit card information! It may sound like something no one in their right mind would do, but… You’ll be surprised! People are irrational beings! Or, in some cases, straight forwardly dumb!

Last, but not least, you should get an insurance! My landlord had a carpet in his house damaged by the “professionals” he hired to clean it, but there was no insurance, and it was his word against theirs. Who do you think got away clean-handed?

Bottom line is, do not go with the first company you see. Make some research.

And never, never, under any circumstances listen to your dumb, half-asleep friends, when they recommend a repairman to you!

Yes, Tate, I am talking about you!