Darkly Devoted Boyfriend

Title reference: “Darkly Devoted Dexter” by Jeff Lindsay

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Girlfriends, man. They can annoy you, confuse you or drive you completely out of your mind. In the same time, at the end of the day, after you've battled the world, or your boss, or the hot blond bombshell, who wants your office, because she's providing full services to the boss, going home to someone who loves you can make it all worthwhile. So, how do you show her that, even though sometimes you lose your temper and act like a primate, you still care? You always care. It's just that sometimes it's harder to show it. Men and feelings do not always mix up well, right? I mean, come on... What's the masculine thing about saying “I love you” 20 times a day? Nothing! Besides... who does that anyway?

(If you do, buddy, then you're either the happiest man on Earth... or you need to grow a pair!)

So, after you've made a blunder, how do you get back in her good graces? Easy, you just show her your devotion! Or, if that doesn't work, you can always buy her affection. Trust me, all women have a price. Some just don't know it yet.

First thing you do, and it might be a cliché, but it does work, is – you buy her flowers! Not the “buy one half-dead rose, get two dead ones for free” type of deal, but a real, nice, big bouquet that just screams “You're so important!” Trick is to make sure you remember her favorite flower correctly. Or, if you never knew it in the first place, you ask her best friend about it. An apology doesn't work, if the flowers you bring her make her sneeze her head off! Actually, double-checking the authenticity of the favorite flower is always a good idea! You don't want to have a “Oops... It was Cindy who loved roses! Your flower, dear, is... Um...” If you love Cindy so much, go back to her! If she's not with a bunch of children, of course! Then... Run, run, run!

Second thing, if you've made a really big mess, is to be nice to her mum. Yes, even if she hates you. You're not going to bed with her tonight, right? Or if you are... Just get the hell out of my blog and get some professional help! You're sick, man!

Now, number 3 is the hardest one to achieve as it involves...

...Wait for it...

…helping her with some domestic cleaning! Even if there is rugby/football/hockey on TV. That will win you a lot of brownie points! Especially if usually you just lift your feet up and put them on the table, while she runs around the house, doing carpet cleaning and end of tenancy cleaning. (Yes, some women do all that!) I know you're distressed right now, but thing of the benefits after you've shown her you're not as useless as she, being angry, thinks you are! Sneak in an “I love you” in the mix and... You're gonna' be one lucky fellow tonight.

And the night after that. Who knows, you might get a whole “free” week... Getting your hands dirty doesn't sound so bad now, right?

So, my darkly devoted brother-in-arms, if you're reading these lines, then don't waste any more time! Figure out what you've done wrong...

...and go fix it!